God is full of surprises, some are fun and some are just... surprising. We had a really fun one happen on labor day weekend. A lovely young lady that I didn't recognize had her daughter out in the lobby at our church during the service. We were on our way to the nursery so we invited her along. Turns out, she is from Ukraine and her fiancee is from Russia. She has adopted (get this) 5 kids in her home country of Ukraine and they all have special needs or were older, etc. Why was she in our little church in humble Millersburg? She had seen a movie about the Amish and wanted to come to Holmes County to experience the culture. She is currently living in Chicago so her daughter can have surgery. The other children are at home with a nanny. She ended up at Hotel Millersburg, and on this God-orchestrated Sunday, at our church. They asked us, "Where are the Amish?", we asked her to "tell us about your adoption experience!" It was a win-win as we spent the day with Tetiana and Alex and little Sophia. They got to meet Grandma and Abe and Esther and get a tour of the back roads of Amish country, and we got to pick Tetiana's brain about adoption. The state of the orphanages, and the need these kids have for love and stability was confirmed in the picture she painted of her adoption journey. Little Sophia herself is a living testament to the power of a loving and determined parent. They said she wouldn't live, but there she was running around, happy and playing. Kids need parents. Parents need kids. We felt so incredibly blessed by this divine meeting. I mean, seriously, how cool was that?
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
intentional week of prayer
"Well, maybe God's telling you that it's not meant to be right now. Maybe He's saying several years from now. Maybe when your kids are out of the house."
The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't think the wielder knew what a blow she threw, or how I sat in my car for several minutes deep in thought. It was a well-meaning comment, and not altogether a horrible suggestion. However, it was like one of my fears peeking into my reality and it made me not a little uncomfortable. "What if we are supposed to wait?"
The comment was referencing some small setbacks that had happened shortly prior. A prayer for provision was met with a job interview and an interest in buying some land we own. The job interview ended with no job, and the interest in the land fizzled. Also, the first home study agency we went with was our choice because the representative I talked to thought that our small house would work fine, even though our boys' space wouldn't have a door. An application was filed, $1,000 paid, and this was met by a phone call even before the application was approved that the house situation just wasn't going to work. "But I had talked to K-- and she had informed me that it wouldn't be a problem." "Oh, K-- doesn't work here any more. I replaced her, and your house just isn't going to work. You could wait until you live somewhere else, or find another agency." Ouch. I was discussing this with a friend and she was unafraid to bring up the aforementioned possibility. She was saying the comment partly out of love, and partly to make conversation. I really don't think she realized how much it stirred me.
It stirred me enough to mention to Zack that we needed to fast and pray again. Quickly. And a lot. So this sent us into a week-long discernment process (again? how often do we need to do this? answer - as often as it takes). Two verses came out of that intentional prayer week, which I will share with you. Zack and I were in total unity even though we reported back at the end of each day what the other had heard. Our thoughts were strikingly similar each day. That encouraged me that we were working together with the Holy Spirit speaking to us both.
Romans 12:12: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Joyful in hope. Joyful. In hope. Patient in affliction. Patient. Faithful in prayer. Faithful. The words rung in my head day after day after day. Joyful, hopeful, patient, faithful, praying. It spoke a message that God is leading us - and we must follow.
And here it is: Hebrews 10. Verses 32-39 convinced me that we must press on. Hey, if it does indeed take several years to adopt this child (or children), it won't be because we did not persist in our call. We pray that God continues to take the reigns even if that looks very different from our expected timeline. His timing is always perfect. Zack and I are ready to endure and persevere and continue on in our call.
The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't think the wielder knew what a blow she threw, or how I sat in my car for several minutes deep in thought. It was a well-meaning comment, and not altogether a horrible suggestion. However, it was like one of my fears peeking into my reality and it made me not a little uncomfortable. "What if we are supposed to wait?"
The comment was referencing some small setbacks that had happened shortly prior. A prayer for provision was met with a job interview and an interest in buying some land we own. The job interview ended with no job, and the interest in the land fizzled. Also, the first home study agency we went with was our choice because the representative I talked to thought that our small house would work fine, even though our boys' space wouldn't have a door. An application was filed, $1,000 paid, and this was met by a phone call even before the application was approved that the house situation just wasn't going to work. "But I had talked to K-- and she had informed me that it wouldn't be a problem." "Oh, K-- doesn't work here any more. I replaced her, and your house just isn't going to work. You could wait until you live somewhere else, or find another agency." Ouch. I was discussing this with a friend and she was unafraid to bring up the aforementioned possibility. She was saying the comment partly out of love, and partly to make conversation. I really don't think she realized how much it stirred me.
It stirred me enough to mention to Zack that we needed to fast and pray again. Quickly. And a lot. So this sent us into a week-long discernment process (again? how often do we need to do this? answer - as often as it takes). Two verses came out of that intentional prayer week, which I will share with you. Zack and I were in total unity even though we reported back at the end of each day what the other had heard. Our thoughts were strikingly similar each day. That encouraged me that we were working together with the Holy Spirit speaking to us both.
Romans 12:12: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Joyful in hope. Joyful. In hope. Patient in affliction. Patient. Faithful in prayer. Faithful. The words rung in my head day after day after day. Joyful, hopeful, patient, faithful, praying. It spoke a message that God is leading us - and we must follow.
And here it is: Hebrews 10. Verses 32-39 convinced me that we must press on. Hey, if it does indeed take several years to adopt this child (or children), it won't be because we did not persist in our call. We pray that God continues to take the reigns even if that looks very different from our expected timeline. His timing is always perfect. Zack and I are ready to endure and persevere and continue on in our call.
"Remember those earlier days after you had received the light,
when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering.
Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution;
at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated.
You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property,
because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,
you will receive what he has promised.
For,
'In just a little while,
he who is coming will come and will not delay'
And,
'But my righteous one will live by faith.
And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.'
But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but to those who have faith and are saved."
P.S. The story is not over with the job interview, the selling of our piece of land, and the home study. More to come on all that!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Fears
I'd like to do a brutally honest post here. I'm talking, depth of my gut, big time honesty. I am fairly confident that I have a pretty low readership, and so those of you who are visiting this post, I implore you to be gracious. I'd like to lay it all out and humbly walk through the fears that we have been wrestling with here in the beginning of our adoption process. Walking into the unknown can be scary territory. What you'll see is the fearful spirit on one shoulder talking to the confident spirit on the other. I want it said at the outset, these are fears that we have prayed and fasted over, have handled carefully, and have kept a Godly perspective about. These are not fears I came up with yesterday. Zack and I have been addressing them from the very beginning, but also keeping them in submission to God's promises and what he speaks to us. I'm posting them so people know how to pray, and also I'm posting them so that I may have an opportunity to revisit them and see how they were or were not resolved. Maybe how they were placed into reality. Maybe there's someone out there who is considering going through an adoption, and maybe it will help them feel ok about having fears. That they are not alone. In any case, here goes.
1. What do we really have to offer? I know even kids in orphanages know some of what they are missing. Will they think we are perfectly fashionable people living in L.A. (cuz, what American doesn't come from L.A., hello?) who have a big suburban home with huge rooms and granite countertops and waxed floors and a big bedroom with a canopy bed and frilly stuffed animals adorning the laced pillows? What will they think when they find out that that is not how things are? If you didn't get the drift - our house is nothing like that. We are nothing like that. We shop at garage sales and our house has something of a poison ivy problem and it takes literally 12 steps to walk across the widest part of our house and I can't remember the last time I shopped at a traditional clothing store. You know what's really cool about us? We have got so much love just overflowing in our hearts for our children I think our kids are overwhelmed at times. We are going through this because we feel like we have so much love to give and to offer up to children in desperate need of it. Our prayer is that all of our children will see through our humble material possessions and see the joy that we have in having each one in our family. They are worth more than all the sparkly shoes and lifesize princess unicorns and video game systems in the world.
2. Will I truly love them like my biological kids? Will I always be trying to please/ impress them (see above) or trying to prove we are a good, put-together, non-dysfunctional family? Do I love Kian more than Logan? No. Do I love my children more than I love Zack? No. Do I love them all with a crazy depth that surpasses all understanding? Yes. I have confidence that I will keep my expectations real about the first meeting of these children and not expect to "fall in love with them at first sight", and grow to the feelings I have for my bio kids. I hear it time and time again. The loving actions blossom into loving feelings. Also, perfection is boring. And we are good, which is better than perfect.
3. What if they are complete toots? What if raising them is hell? What if they scream all day and night and spread poop on the walls and terrorize Kian and Logan? I absolutely love my awesome family, it's so cute and fun and we have so much fun together! Why ruin it? Why not quit while we're ahead! Also, what makes me think I can handle a child like this? I can get very frustrated with my 2 very good (generally), healthy children!!! What must I be thinking? Every. Child. Is. Worth it. We are determined to keep our children safe from each other, bio or otherwise, and we are preparing ourselves to deal with difficult behaviour and get help if we need it. Even if things go sour, any love we can give them, I believe, will be worth the effort. Mary Hopkins-Best states in various places in her book "Toddler Adoption" : "The family who makes an informed adoption decision, has realistic expectations, who came to their decision as a result of a careful refining process, and are willing to accept imperfection has an increased likelihood of a positive and successful outcome." I could give you a list of the books I have read or am reading about behaviour management and adoption attachment and it would likely fill multiple pages. We have spoken to real people who have done this (and a few more yet to talk to), and followed countless blogs. We haven't even gone through the home study and official training yet! We are doing our best to learn the realities of what we are doing and keep our minds focused on God and his calling. Even with all the potentially difficult realities we have heard, we have not lost our momentum for our desire to go through this adoption. Also, who says these kids will have difficult behaviours? Or that our biological kids would NOT have difficult behaviours? Who was it that gave those guarantees? Oh, no one, that's right now I remember.
4. What if we can't afford their meds or medical treatments? Will people say, "I told you so!" Will they whisper, "They said they were 'trusting God.' *eye roll*"? Will I be strong enough to rest in the fact that we followed a call? These are scary things. All I can say is, we are being blown away day after day at God's provision for our adoption expenses. How can we think he is going to stop once the children are home? God is giving us just what we need just when we need it. I believe that's how he operates many times. It keeps our focus in trusting in him. Also, because we believe God gifted us with brains that operate and that we ought to use them in a spirit of gratitude, we have made a plan A, B, C and D. Fun? No. Healthy? Yes.
6. What about surprises or delays? Welcome to the adoption process. Glad to have you on board. No birth is absolutely perfect (we don't have to go into details). No adoption is either.
1. What do we really have to offer? I know even kids in orphanages know some of what they are missing. Will they think we are perfectly fashionable people living in L.A. (cuz, what American doesn't come from L.A., hello?) who have a big suburban home with huge rooms and granite countertops and waxed floors and a big bedroom with a canopy bed and frilly stuffed animals adorning the laced pillows? What will they think when they find out that that is not how things are? If you didn't get the drift - our house is nothing like that. We are nothing like that. We shop at garage sales and our house has something of a poison ivy problem and it takes literally 12 steps to walk across the widest part of our house and I can't remember the last time I shopped at a traditional clothing store. You know what's really cool about us? We have got so much love just overflowing in our hearts for our children I think our kids are overwhelmed at times. We are going through this because we feel like we have so much love to give and to offer up to children in desperate need of it. Our prayer is that all of our children will see through our humble material possessions and see the joy that we have in having each one in our family. They are worth more than all the sparkly shoes and lifesize princess unicorns and video game systems in the world.
2. Will I truly love them like my biological kids? Will I always be trying to please/ impress them (see above) or trying to prove we are a good, put-together, non-dysfunctional family? Do I love Kian more than Logan? No. Do I love my children more than I love Zack? No. Do I love them all with a crazy depth that surpasses all understanding? Yes. I have confidence that I will keep my expectations real about the first meeting of these children and not expect to "fall in love with them at first sight", and grow to the feelings I have for my bio kids. I hear it time and time again. The loving actions blossom into loving feelings. Also, perfection is boring. And we are good, which is better than perfect.
3. What if they are complete toots? What if raising them is hell? What if they scream all day and night and spread poop on the walls and terrorize Kian and Logan? I absolutely love my awesome family, it's so cute and fun and we have so much fun together! Why ruin it? Why not quit while we're ahead! Also, what makes me think I can handle a child like this? I can get very frustrated with my 2 very good (generally), healthy children!!! What must I be thinking? Every. Child. Is. Worth it. We are determined to keep our children safe from each other, bio or otherwise, and we are preparing ourselves to deal with difficult behaviour and get help if we need it. Even if things go sour, any love we can give them, I believe, will be worth the effort. Mary Hopkins-Best states in various places in her book "Toddler Adoption" : "The family who makes an informed adoption decision, has realistic expectations, who came to their decision as a result of a careful refining process, and are willing to accept imperfection has an increased likelihood of a positive and successful outcome." I could give you a list of the books I have read or am reading about behaviour management and adoption attachment and it would likely fill multiple pages. We have spoken to real people who have done this (and a few more yet to talk to), and followed countless blogs. We haven't even gone through the home study and official training yet! We are doing our best to learn the realities of what we are doing and keep our minds focused on God and his calling. Even with all the potentially difficult realities we have heard, we have not lost our momentum for our desire to go through this adoption. Also, who says these kids will have difficult behaviours? Or that our biological kids would NOT have difficult behaviours? Who was it that gave those guarantees? Oh, no one, that's right now I remember.
4. What if we can't afford their meds or medical treatments? Will people say, "I told you so!" Will they whisper, "They said they were 'trusting God.' *eye roll*"? Will I be strong enough to rest in the fact that we followed a call? These are scary things. All I can say is, we are being blown away day after day at God's provision for our adoption expenses. How can we think he is going to stop once the children are home? God is giving us just what we need just when we need it. I believe that's how he operates many times. It keeps our focus in trusting in him. Also, because we believe God gifted us with brains that operate and that we ought to use them in a spirit of gratitude, we have made a plan A, B, C and D. Fun? No. Healthy? Yes.
6. What about surprises or delays? Welcome to the adoption process. Glad to have you on board. No birth is absolutely perfect (we don't have to go into details). No adoption is either.
Friday, August 2, 2013
PAPERWORK - update
So last we talked we were not sure about our house being approved for a home study. We think we have found an agency that will work with our house, so the process had begin with them. Finally! If we didn't live in such a teensy house we could have been so much further in the process by now, but I'm happy that things are still moving.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
MONEY - Ori's birthday
Folks,
Grab. Your. Tissues.
Never in my life have I been so humbled and amazed at the outpouring of love and giving that this adoption has shown us. We have had people give large sums that blew us away, and some that went out of their way to show us support. I just have to share with you what a young girl did for us this past week.
Oriana, a daughter of my coworker, had a birthday party. In lieu of gifts, she asked each of her guests to bring donations to give to... you guessed it... little old us and our adoption. My coworker surprised me at work on Wednesday with a huge plastic bag full of change and a few bills. Isn't. that. amazing????
Grab. Your. Tissues.
Never in my life have I been so humbled and amazed at the outpouring of love and giving that this adoption has shown us. We have had people give large sums that blew us away, and some that went out of their way to show us support. I just have to share with you what a young girl did for us this past week.
Oriana, a daughter of my coworker, had a birthday party. In lieu of gifts, she asked each of her guests to bring donations to give to... you guessed it... little old us and our adoption. My coworker surprised me at work on Wednesday with a huge plastic bag full of change and a few bills. Isn't. that. amazing????
Here is Kian with "The Bag"
There it goes! In the machine!!!
This note came inside the bag.
Because of Ori's gift, and many others like it from so many people - some friends and family, and some complete strangers (talk about humbling) - a little girl will have a home and a family. Something we take for granted every day, something you don't realize you need until you don't have it or see someone who doesn't. We all need a circle of people to orbit life around. This thoughtful girl gave up her birthday presents (what kid would do that???) so someone can enjoy a birthday with a family soon. No Ori, this bag did not contain $50.64. It's value is immeasurable.
Luke 21:1-4. No one can give more than that.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
MONEY - Carrie's 25 mile dawn-dusk hike
A guest post from my sister Carrie - who did a 25 mile dawn-dusk hike on the same day as Zack's 50 miler. Hers was also a fundraising effort for our adoption. It was amazing and humbling to have her do something like that for us! Thank you times a million! I asked her to write about her experience:
"When Zack asked me if I wanted to run a fifty-miler with him to help raise money for his and Rachel's adoption fund, images of a shriveled-up me collapsed at mile fifteen flashed through my head. If there's one thing I know about running, its that getting those distances in takes a whole lot of time. Living a state away where I can no longer just stroll next door to grab my brother-in-law for an evening trail run, I began to brain storm about other ways I might help.
Charlottesville, my residence at the time, is located not far off a piece of the A.T. (Appalachian Trail). My friends who have hiked it say that twenty-five miles is a fairly reasonable estimate for a good day of hiking- ambitious but not impossible. So I decided that while fifty miles of running might just kill me, I could handle twenty-five miles of hiking on the A.T.
Charlottesville, my residence at the time, is located not far off a piece of the A.T. (Appalachian Trail). My friends who have hiked it say that twenty-five miles is a fairly reasonable estimate for a good day of hiking- ambitious but not impossible. So I decided that while fifty miles of running might just kill me, I could handle twenty-five miles of hiking on the A.T.
I was really excited and encouraged when five or six friends agreed to join me and co-workers and friends from way back volunteered to pledge donations per mile hiked. By the time we started the solidarity hike on the fifteenth of June I felt like I had a whole team with me.
Hiking the A.T. has been a dream of mine for awhile so I was pumped up and determined to carve away the miles. Honestly the first eighteen were not bad at all and not even boring really. The woods had their charm and that entertained for quite awhile. By mile twenty I was more than ready for the rest stop we had planned. We laid in the grass, visited the hole-in-the ground bathroom and ate our now mushy peanut butter and banana sandwiches. In hind sight I wonder if this break at mile twenty was worth it because it was a long enough rest to trick our bodies. Aches I hadn't noticed for the first twenty miles were now settling in and making themselves known.
The last five miles were tough. We ran much of this last part just to use different muscles and to see the end come sooner. Every now and then I would think of Zack and imagine that he was quite possibly still running, having started his journey an hour and a half before us and with twice the distance in mind.
At the end of the trail we had completed 24.9 miles so a few of us ran laps around the parking lot until we had safely covered a point-one-mile distance.
I was sufficiently tired, but it was the best kind if tired. I knew I could now tell my donors of our twenty-five mile distance. With all my team of friends with me, we piled in the car and celebrated with pizza: the dinner of champions."
Hiking the A.T. has been a dream of mine for awhile so I was pumped up and determined to carve away the miles. Honestly the first eighteen were not bad at all and not even boring really. The woods had their charm and that entertained for quite awhile. By mile twenty I was more than ready for the rest stop we had planned. We laid in the grass, visited the hole-in-the ground bathroom and ate our now mushy peanut butter and banana sandwiches. In hind sight I wonder if this break at mile twenty was worth it because it was a long enough rest to trick our bodies. Aches I hadn't noticed for the first twenty miles were now settling in and making themselves known.
The last five miles were tough. We ran much of this last part just to use different muscles and to see the end come sooner. Every now and then I would think of Zack and imagine that he was quite possibly still running, having started his journey an hour and a half before us and with twice the distance in mind.
At the end of the trail we had completed 24.9 miles so a few of us ran laps around the parking lot until we had safely covered a point-one-mile distance.
I was sufficiently tired, but it was the best kind if tired. I knew I could now tell my donors of our twenty-five mile distance. With all my team of friends with me, we piled in the car and celebrated with pizza: the dinner of champions."
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
PAPERWORK - update
Thank you just does not convey the gratitude we feel at the donations that have been given for zack's race. Receiving money from strangers and seeing an outpouring of support from family and friends is certainly humbling to say the least!
So it looks like our house is a little unorthodox to be considered for a home study. Those of you who know us and our house are smacking your foreheads going "duh". Apparently the presence of doors on ALL rooms matters to some and not to others. Some fire extinguisher tagging and buying and extension cord changing and fire escape ladder buying and preliminary fire inspection walk throughs later, it is very up in the air whether this house could be approved. We are going to keep trying to continue with our home study while living here in this house, but it is growing increasingly more evident that we will probably have to wait until we move to my parents house to complete the paperwork process. That could well be a year from now. The only solace in that is as long as our current house could be approved, we can do a lot of the paperwork now, and special needs adoptions are expidited. The submission to travel should be relatively short. We continue to follow the path we are shown, trusting God to reveal every step. If it must be an arduous, slow process, then we would be joining the ranks of many an adoptive parent that had traveled before us! It's probably a blessing in disguise as we will have more time to make the adjustment, learn more, and beef up our funds!
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