The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't think the wielder knew what a blow she threw, or how I sat in my car for several minutes deep in thought. It was a well-meaning comment, and not altogether a horrible suggestion. However, it was like one of my fears peeking into my reality and it made me not a little uncomfortable. "What if we are supposed to wait?"
The comment was referencing some small setbacks that had happened shortly prior. A prayer for provision was met with a job interview and an interest in buying some land we own. The job interview ended with no job, and the interest in the land fizzled. Also, the first home study agency we went with was our choice because the representative I talked to thought that our small house would work fine, even though our boys' space wouldn't have a door. An application was filed, $1,000 paid, and this was met by a phone call even before the application was approved that the house situation just wasn't going to work. "But I had talked to K-- and she had informed me that it wouldn't be a problem." "Oh, K-- doesn't work here any more. I replaced her, and your house just isn't going to work. You could wait until you live somewhere else, or find another agency." Ouch. I was discussing this with a friend and she was unafraid to bring up the aforementioned possibility. She was saying the comment partly out of love, and partly to make conversation. I really don't think she realized how much it stirred me.
It stirred me enough to mention to Zack that we needed to fast and pray again. Quickly. And a lot. So this sent us into a week-long discernment process (again? how often do we need to do this? answer - as often as it takes). Two verses came out of that intentional prayer week, which I will share with you. Zack and I were in total unity even though we reported back at the end of each day what the other had heard. Our thoughts were strikingly similar each day. That encouraged me that we were working together with the Holy Spirit speaking to us both.
Romans 12:12: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Joyful in hope. Joyful. In hope. Patient in affliction. Patient. Faithful in prayer. Faithful. The words rung in my head day after day after day. Joyful, hopeful, patient, faithful, praying. It spoke a message that God is leading us - and we must follow.
And here it is: Hebrews 10. Verses 32-39 convinced me that we must press on. Hey, if it does indeed take several years to adopt this child (or children), it won't be because we did not persist in our call. We pray that God continues to take the reigns even if that looks very different from our expected timeline. His timing is always perfect. Zack and I are ready to endure and persevere and continue on in our call.