It's 5am over here. I was just up with our littlest (3mo old). He's ben asleep for a bit, but I'm up thinking about this adoption.
This happens a lot these days. I wouldn't say that I'm consumed with worry. Not at all. I wouldn't say that I'm paralyzed by fear. Hardly. I consider these moments of nervous vulnerability... counting the cost. It even gives me some comfort to know that I'm uncomfortable. This discomfort lets me know that I'm going into a place where God will be present, and since I have faith in his trustworthiness, that's a big deal. Stretching, to me, equals growth. Heaven knows I'm all for growth. As my grandmother taught me, you must always be going forward. So forward we march! Yet to say that I have pure unadulterated confidence, and not a hint of nerves, would be lying. We are being called to trust in a lot of big ways. Trust for provisions, trust for healing, trust in a big God to fill the big gaps in our human-ness. We are entering this devine calling as humans. That is never more evident to me than when I'm sitting awake in the wee hours in the dark with nothing but my thoughts.
We have not taken this journey lightly. I think some of my immediate family has asked some very important questions to that effect, and I hope that we have been able to adequately assure them. They will be a big part of our children's lives, so we want them on board but also assured of our commitment. We have been taking some measures to ensure that we stay focused on prayer here in these early days.
Zack had been fasting every Monday from 7pm Sunday night to 6pm Monday night. He spends that time in reflection and prayer. I have been fasting from my phone every day until 2pm except for calls and texts. That means blogs, internet, pinterest, facebook, etc. Every time I think of picking up my phone to check a blog or look something up, I say a prayer for leading and for this adoption. The days get so full so fast and we often forget to sit down together and pray. These deliberate actions keep prayer happening when it is of utmost importance. We don't have a support network per se of others who have walked this road. Prayer is our lifeline.
Please join us in prayer. Count the cost for yourself. What part can you play in God's work in the world?